Dirty Pair vs. Jedi Master
by Tannim Murphy
Summary: This shortfic is the result of a one hour challenge.


Dirty Pair vs. Jedi Master  
  
Disclaimer: Neither Dirty Pair Flash, nor Star Wars, belong to me. I am not making money off of this, either.  
  
---  
  
"Eww! Oh my gosh! Kei, this disgusting! Why do we have to come out here, anyway?"  
  
"Because it's our job. We've got to find out where that criminal is hiding."  
  
Yuri winced as she turned toward the direction they were traveling. She let out a small whimper before slashing apart the offending plant life in front of her using her beam saber.  
  
"Why did he have to hide on a yucky planet like this?" asked Yuri rhetorically.  
  
Kei grumbled as she trailed behind Yuri. They had finally cornered the bastard they had been tracking like, forever, only to have him crash land on a planet covered in swamps. After finding the spot where the criminal had landed, they had no choice but to pursue the man on foot.  
  
"I still hate this place. And it smells, Kei!" whined Yuri. "It smells horrible, it's yucky, and-"  
  
Yuri stopped in mid-sentence as her foot sunk into the presumed-hard ground.  
  
"EEEK!"  
  
Kei leapt forward and managed to grab onto her partner's hand before she could fall any farther. "Hold on, Yuri! I've got you!"  
  
"Kei! Help me! Oh, this feels so gross!"  
  
With the combined efforts of the pair, Yuri's foot finally came free with a sickening sound.  
  
"I hate this place! I say we forget about this guy and just leave him," complained Yuri.  
  
"Quiet! I think I can hear something." Kei took out her blaster, ready for use.  
  
Beyond the normal hustle and bustle of the swampland, the sound of someone humming could be heard.  
  
"You're right. What if it's the guy we're looking for?"  
  
"Let's go find out!"  
  
The pair of girls charged off into the foliage with renewed vigor. It took them all of three steps to find another swampy area, which they fell into head-first.  
  
Yuri sputtered. "Ew! Gross! It's all over me!"  
  
Kei grumbled as she pushed herself up. "It's no picnic for me either." She blinked at the sight before her. It seemed that a small green creature, wearing a battered brown cloak and wielding a cane, was standing over the fallen pair on top of a log.  
  
"Come to Dagoba you have. Making fools of yourselves you are."  
  
Yuri looked up at the voice. "Is this the guy we've been looking for? He's kind of small..."  
  
"Your enemy, I am not."  
  
Kei pointed her blaster at the creature. "Yeah, well, we'll be the judge of that."  
  
Yoda shook his head sadly. Listen to the wisdom of the old, the young would not.   
  
"Kei, don't do that! Maybe he can help us!" Yuri turned toward the shriveled creature with her cutest expression. "Excuse me, but we're looking for a fugitive named Luke Skywalker. Do you think you could help us?"  
  
'For young Skywalker, they came? Ready, he is not,' thought Yoda.  
  
Kei kept her blaster aimed at the creature. "Tell us or else we'll blast you!" she threatened.  
  
"Very well," said Yoda with the gravest of voices, "your enemy, I shall be."  
  
"You asked for it," muttered Kei as she pulled the trigger on her blaster.  
  
*FWSHHHT*  
  
A beam of green light sprang into existence, intercepting the laser. Clutched in one tiny hand was a light saber.  
  
"Defeat me, you will not."  
  
Kei blinked in surprise. This critter had a weapon like that? Almost as if in shock, she fired twice more, each time aiming for a different part of the little guy's body.  
  
Two lightning-fast slashes intercepted the blasts.  
  
A purple beam of light sprang from the beam saber in Yuri's hand. "Kei, can't you get anything right? Jeez, I've got to do everything myself!" She launched herself toward the small creature with an overhead slash.  
  
The small green creature, which shouldn't have had the strength to block such a blow, calmly held his light saber high and stopped the overhead chop cold. Sweat began to bead on Yuri's brow as she strained to push her own saber down.  
  
"Know you should, face a Jedi Master you do." With a motion of his free hand, Yoda used the Force to pull a branch down from the trees on a path toward hitting Yuri.  
  
Kei blasted the branch apart into little pieces before it could touch her partner.  
  
Yoda leapt back from his struggle with Yuri, causing the girl to stumble slightly.  
  
In unison, both combatants with saber weapons leapt toward each other. Yoda was a small and difficult target for Yuri as she slashed toward the green creature. The slash was interrupted by Yoda's light saber, and he returned the favor with one of his own while still airborne. Yuri had a hard time blocking as her footing was jeopardized by the slippery terrain.  
  
Kei took several shots at the critter to give Yuri time to recover, and each shot was intercepted by a quick movement of Yoda's light saber. The last shot was returned to its source, destroying Kei's blaster in the process.  
  
In response to a warning from the Force, Yoda leapt to the side as a devastating overhand slash nearly bisected him in two. He used a nearby tree to rebound off of and come back at his adversary from a different direction. Yuri twirled around and swung with all her might at Yoda, who, while successfully blocked the blow, was thrown back from the force of it. He crashed into the dense underbrush as the sound of a light saber deactivating could be heard. Both Kei and Yuri rushed over to the area, but no sign of the small creature could be found.  
  
"We lost him? I can't believe this! Kei, this is all your fault!" Yuri pointed an accusing finger at her comrade.  
  
"What? My fault? You're the one that hit him into the bushes!"  
  
"Well, what else was I supposed to do? He was really fast!"  
  
"We'll never catch him at this rate!" complained Kei.  
  
"It's your fault! It's your fault it's your fault it's your fault!"  
  
"Is not is not is not is NOT!"  
  
A small green blur leapt from the foliage. Half-way toward the pair, a green light saber sprang to life. With one slash, Yoda destroyed Yuri's beam saber before she had a chance to react.  
  
Yoda stared down the now defenseless girls. "Leave, you will. Come back, you must not."  
  
Kei and Yuri looked at one another. With one nod to each other, they both about faced and marched away from the little green demon.  
  
"We probably wouldn't have found him anyway," reasoned Kei.  
  
"Yeah. This place is waaay too creepy," responded Yuri.  
  
Yoda nodded in satisfaction before going back toward his home where he had left young Skywalker.  
  
Kei lowered her voice. "We grab our extra weapons, then come back here and kick that little green guy's ass?"  
  
Yuri replied while whispering as well. "Oh yeah. But first we blow this entire area to bits with the ship's guns."  
  
---  
  
The End? 


End file.
